


Competitive Drinking

by Eurasian_Lynx



Category: LazyTown
Genre: 5-hour energy drinking competitions, Humor, insomniacs should not be given this power, inspired by amazon review for 5-hour energy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9896909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eurasian_Lynx/pseuds/Eurasian_Lynx
Summary: In which two brothers learn why they should not have get-togethers when they have a lot of work to do, and are both natural insomniacs. Sportacus is rightly concerned.





	1. What Happens When Two Competitive Insomniacs Are Left Alone Together

**Inspired by an Amazon review for 5-Hour Energy, just look it up, I’m sure you can find it. No real plot or anything, just a random idea.**

~~~

It was approximately 3:40 a.m. when Sportacus’s crystal went off.

The magic alarm was blaring like a siren, and the poor elf was startled violently out of bed. He collided with the floor of the airship with a grunt of surprise and pain, wincing as he touched his most likely bruised tailbone gingerly. He shook his head, trying to clear the grogginess of sleep from his mind.

What was someone doing getting into trouble at this time of the morning?

It took him several minutes to get ready, far slower than he normally would have liked. He was out of it, the last dredges of sleep trying to beckon him back to rest. He fumbled around for his blaring crystal, immediately finding himself assaulted with images.

Robbie.

Robbie Rotten was in trouble.

There was pink. And screaming. And the feeling of so much energy Sportacus himself thought he was about to burst, and that said a lot.

Something was desperately wrong here.

~~~

The elf practically ripped the hatch to Robbie’s lair open, slipping down the chute without so much as a knock. After several heart pounding moments, the athletic man crashed into the lair below, dropping into a crouch as he emerged from the entrance and looked around, ready to deal with whatever trouble was there.

“What are you doing here, Sportakook?!?”

The elf blinked, unsure of what he was seeing for a moment. Robbie Rotten, town villain, was standing in the midst of a perfectly clean and organized lair, looking at the intruder with a crazed look in his eyes.

The skin around his eyes was dark as though he hadn’t slept in quite some time. That in and of itself wasn’t abnormal, Robbie was known for being an insomniac. While Sportacus hardly approved, he was aware that it wasn’t truly the man’s fault, and Robbie seemed to function well enough in his current situation.

All and all, nothing was strange. Robbie typically didn’t enjoy the elf’s presence, and perhaps the man had wanted to get some cleaning done? Sportacus could approve of that. However…

“I think I can smell colors, Robbie!”

“It’s your makeup, genius!”

Who was the man wearing the catsuit? The elf didn’t know what to do. This new man looked a lot like the town villain, right down to the overly bloodshot eyes and crazed look on both of the men’s faces. There was also a multitude of pink clothing scattered about near the man in the heels and catsuit, who currently had his hands over his face with something that could be mistaken for sobbing coming through his fingers, muffled as it may be.

“Robbie… how long have you been awake?”

The poor elf nearly jumped out of his skin when Robbie slammed his hands onto Sportacus's shoulders. The villain looked like a wild horse, eyes bulging, a little bit of spittle around his mouth, everything seeming tense and bloodshot.

He looked like he was about to jump out of his skin, and within the next moment before Robbie spoke, the third man in the room promptly screamed and took off running. He nearly crashed into a wall, skidding to a halt before he collapsed into hysteric laughter on the floor. The catsuited man was clawing at his chest.

“Can your heart burst from beating too hard? Because I think mine is about to.”

Robbie was distracted from whatever he was about to say, a hand flying to his own neck as he searched for his pulse. Poor Sportacus didn’t know what to say, but the next moment Robbie spoke up himself.

“Either my heart has stopped completely or is beating so fast I can’t feel it because I am not feeling a pulse right now.”

“Robbie! What’s wrong!?!”

The sports elf grabbed the villain’s shoulders, forcibly pulling his attention back to him. Robbie looked at him with his wild eyes, before he seemed to become distracted only moments later. The villain pulled himself away with uncanny strength, and Sportacus didn’t even have the sense of mind to try and grab him again.

The man (who Sportacus noticed was no longer wearing his suit, but was instead in a sweater and loose pants, as if he had been trying to sleep) walked over to a neatly organized table, roughly grabbing several sheets of paper and a pen, rushing over to shove them into Sportacus’s hands.

“Sportaflop! Take a note!”

The elf just nodded dumbly and tried to scribble out whatever Robbie was about to say. He didn’t know what to do right now, so he just let himself be pulled along into the chaos. The villain started.

“Alright, cons of the situation!”

The hero scribbled out the man’s words frantically.

“I haven’t slept in 72 hours and I can’t feel my face.”

The catsuited man hysterically added onto the list.

“I also just peed about 15 minutes ago and I think it was mostly blood!”

Sportacus wrote it down, too shocked and numb to the chaos to be horrified by the information from both of the other parties present. Robbie stared vacantly into space for a moment, before snapping his fingers and yelling out another command.

“Okay, pros of the situation! We managed to successfully clean, organize, re-organize, and label everything in my lair and prepared meals for the next few days. We also completed any and all possible paperwork I could need done for about the next 2 weeks.”

The other man piped up again.

“I think I can hear your thoughts!”

Robbie didn’t snap anything back at him for that, he just let the elf write it down. After the hero had stopped writing, Robbie roughly grabbed the paper from his hands and read over it, before nodding with satisfaction. The other man continued to laugh-sob over by the wall, curled up in a ball on the ground. Robbie’s face and fingers were twitching, but he didn’t seem to be aware of it.

Sportacus stood there awkwardly for a few moments, shuffling uncomfortably in place. He spoke up after no one else did for nearly a minute.

“Robbie… what happened?”

~~~

And that was how two brothers learned they should really not have get-togethers when they were both frequent insomniacs who had way too much work to do already. Never mind the fact that they were naturally competitive with each other and would undoubtedly find a way to compete over something else.

And that was why Sportacus had to give a very strange lecture to the kids about getting enough sleep, again, awkwardly tagging on at the end that they should most definitely not get into any 5-Hour Energy drinking competitions, no matter how competitive they were nor how much work they had to get done.


	2. Deleted Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something that didn't fit in with the flow of the rest of the story, after a little deliberation I figured I might as well put it up.

"Robbie!"

The sports elf seemed utterly horrified at the story he had just been told. What were these two doing, were they _trying_ to get themselves killed?

Glanni was still laughing hysterically from his place on the floor, his knees up to his chest in the fetal position. Robbie's fingers looked like they were ready to strangle someone, but the man was _still_ utterly unaware of the involuntary convulsions. The tall villain didn't have any response to the elf's shocked cry, he was just smiling, a dazed look in his eyes. His feet were tapping against the floor.

Sportacus put his fists on his hips, adopting a stern, mother-hen attitude.

"This could have _killed_ you! Don't you two have any concern for your own safety? Why,"

He placed two fingers on the side of Robbie's neck, not even asking for permission to approach. He then grabbed the man's wrist, feeling for a pulse there.

"I can barely feel your pulse, no wonder _you_ couldn't! I'm surprised your heart has managed to keep pumping blood through your body at this ra-!"

He was abruptly cut off as the villain in front of him promptly clapped a hand over his mouth, his face broken into a manic grin. It seemed whatever temporary calm the man had had was shattered by the elf's scoldings, revealing the true insanity all of the drinks had caused him.

Sportacus's eyes were involuntarily drawn to the floor at a soft clatter. Glanni's foot had tapped against something, causing it to bounce away. There was a small, plastic bottle rolling slightly across the floor before it came to a stop a few paces away. Sportacus tracked the path back, finding several more containers on the floor in a steady, near path. They were trailing to the kitchen. His gaze continued to follow them to the kitchen, where his eyes promptly widened near comically at what he could only describe as a pile of the bottles was somewhere near the kitchen counter, alongside two massive cups that still had some liquid in them. There were also dirtied shot glasses. They had traces of the same liquid on them.

His eyes shot back to Robbie, before he suddenly jumped in fright. The man's face was inches away from him, eyes wild as he got his two cents in on Sportacus's statement. The man's arm was shaking.

_"There is no blood, only caffeine."_

~~~

**Okay that's all I promise.**


End file.
